4th and final beta

I had my blood drawn again, and in addition to a thrombophelia panel, I had my 4th and final beta drawn. It was at 1759 at 23 days past ovulation with a doubling time from last Thursday's draw of 41 hours.

I don't know that there ever truly was concern about the doubling, just that the original number of 10 at 13 days past ovulation was very low. As for right now, things are looking good. I have my first OB appointment next Friday at 6 weeks 6 days. The appointment seems so far away. I have to say that this two weeks was the hardest last time and it applies this time around too. Two week or eternity, same thing, right?

I once again am experiencing leg and foot cramps like I did last time, some of the most painful Charlie horses I could imagine. I also have developed an allergic reaction to the PIO I am on, so they are changing the suspension for the refill to get me through the next month. Hopefully the fist sized welts and lumps under the skin will dissipate. Also, I am beginning to show. I can't believe it and think that it is mostly the steroids that I am on. I have read that they not only cause weight gain, but specifically belly fat to develop, but it definitely looks like a bump! Can't sy my phone to upload pictures, so you will have to trust me and I'll post them when I can.

Beta #3

I had my beta drawn today and it was 347. So on Tuesday it was 128 and today it was 347, that is a 33 hour doubling time. Yet they still want me to have it drawn again on Monday. Are they purposefully trying to freak me out?!?!

The clinic did congratulate me and sent me my new calendar.  My first ultrasound is to be on Friday the 19. Better find an OB!

Betas

I finally got the results of my betas and things are looking good. My beta on Friday at 7dp5dt was 10, my beta today at 12dp5dt was 128. This makes it official, I am pregnant! They said that they would like to test it on Thursday to check it once more. This freaks me out that they are concerned about a 26 hour doubling time, which seems good to me! 

Please continue to keep your fingers crossed, meanwhile I will spend he next 48 hours googling beta levels.

Positive!

I know that some of you have anxiously been awaiting this news along with me, I didn't want to keep you in suspense any longer. 

I took a pee test at home last night, I held my urine for 6 hours before taking it and it was positive! I'm officially 4 weeks pregnant today. It's one of those that is supposed to tell you how many weeks you are out from ovulation. 

Nate was not home this weekend (we were hoping to know yesterday before he left) and I tried to call him after I took it and he didn't answer. I tried again and again, but his phone must have been on silent. Ethan was already asleep and I was so anxious to share the news with someone, anyone! Finally he picked up and I just exploded with the good news. I faceti.med my parents today and shared with them, but otherwise we are in a holding pattern until we hear further info. 

We are so excited and grateful to be on this journey again!

I can't stop using exclamation points!

I go for my second blood draw on Tuesday and hopefully the clinic will then call me with both numbers and a new calendar and some follow up info.

No news yet

I had my blood draw this morning and the clinic "has the results". They have not given me the number or a yay or nay. I'm trying not to read too much into the email as it is just a single sentence but the fact that it is a "results" with an "s" leads me to believe the number is double digits, rather than say "0".

I've decided not to ask them to break their protocol by giving me my number, so I tried to get it myself from the lab, I have not been successful, they will eventually email it to me, but the lab said that it could take up to 30 days...so helpful.

So I stopped at the drug store on the way home and bought a freaking $20 set of two tests. I plan to take one tonight after holding my pee for several hours and then again in the morning with first morning urine. 

I'll be back tomorrow to fill you all in on the results.

I get it....

...but come on!

I contacted the clinic by email yesterday and got a response. I had asked why I was told the results of my first beta with Ethan but wouldn't be this time.

This is the response I got:

"The reason we do not tell you if you are pregnant or not after the first beta test is because it is not what the number is, it is what it does over those two days between the first and second beta test. Your first beta test could come back positive but if the second beta test does not quadruple between those two tests, then you are not pregnant. At your request, we can give you the result of your first beta test, we just cannot speculate whether or not you are pregnant until we get that second beta test."

I know that there is a possibility of a chemical pregnancy, I just think that I need to know at the earliest possible time what direction we are headed in. 

On testing...

With Ethan, I did not test prior to my first beta, but then proceeded to test regularly for the next several days, even after my second beta. However, I was just rereading the notes at the bottom of my calendar. The first beta is scheduled for this Friday, the second for next Tuesday, and the note says that they will not call with the results until after the second beta!

The last time the doctor himself called me the afternoon after the first beta and then again after the second. I did get the results myself but at a beta of 25, but at 10 days after retrieval I wasn't sure if this was still the trigger shot. I was so happy to hear the news directly from the doc.

I need opinions! I should first say that I do not intend to test at home prior to my beta.

Do I...

1. Get the results from the lab myself 
2. Buy a test and test at home that day
3. Request that the doc call that day
4. Wait until after the second beta
5. Contact the clinic and ask why they have changed protocols

It all went swimmingly!

...or as close to swimmingly as I was going to get.

We made it to Las Vegas, after driving though the night, at about 9:00 am on Thursday. We were lucky enough to be able to check into out hotel early and get a quick shower and whatnot before connecting with my parents, who had driven in the night before from Los Angeles. We went to out favorite Irish restaurant on Fremont street for breakfast and walked down Fremont for a bit enjoying the very nice weather as well as the kooks who were still out from the night before.

Then we headed back to the hotel so that my parents could watch Ethan for the afternoon while we went to our appointment for the transfer. We showed up as told at 12:00 noon and the full bladder that they requested of me. However, at 12:30 they came to tell us that all appointments were being moved back as the doctor was behind. We also saw a couple their with their toddler, when we were specifically informed to schedule childcare. 

This did not go over well with the husband who, if nothing else, is a stickler for punctuality. 

We ended up leaving the clinic and heading to another restaurant that we love called the Blue Ox, where they have completely changed the menu, but we still enjoyed some burgers. We have been ti Las Vegas so many times in recent years, I kind of feel like I've lived there. 

When we returned to the clinic at 2:00, I was immediately given a Valium and taken back shortly after. They gave me my calendar for meds going forward and best of all two pictures of the blastocyst they were about to transfer (can't get the pictures to upload). The transfer went just as it did last time, my bladder was too full and the doc called me an overachiever in my preparatory water consumption, and for the third time in my life I was catheterized to let some, but not all, of it out. The embryologist checked who we were and we signed the necessary forms, he brought the embryo in the doc did the transfer. For not the first time in my life, I had my legs spread for what felt like everyone in the building (6 people including myself and Nate were in the small room).  Then they had me lay there for 30 minutes, bladder still very full, to wait. I was finally able to go to the bathroom and go back to the hotel after that. I fell asleep in the car on the 15 minute ride back. You know, the mouth open, snoring out loud drooling kind of car sleep, so attractive.

I went to our hotel for bedrest and Nate went to my parents room to check in Ethan and hangout. We spent the rest of the night and the next day hanging about the hotel. My parents left in Friday afternoon. We went to bed with Ethan at 7:00 pm and left for home this morning at 5:00 am. We got back about 3:00 pm and have 2.5 more days off because of the holidays 

My blood test is scheduled for this coming Friday which is 8dp5dt. Ethan's hcg was 25 at that time. Please continue to keep everything crossed and I will continue to try not to worry over every little twinge.

So close...

...but still an 8 hour drive away.

We plan to drive to Las Vegas for out FET tomorrow and leave in the middle of the night. Hopefully Ethan and I can sleep a bit in the car. Last time he was awake darn near the whole ride! 

I got my transfer time tomorrow of 12:30 pm pacific time. Any prayers, hopes, or wishes are appreciated. The message that was left also gave us info about consuming 1 liter of water just prior to the appointment, that they will give me a Valium prior to the procedure and to have sex the night before. Not only will that be hard to do given the fact that we will be driving in the middle of the night, but we will have a toddler with us! Maybe the afternoon before will suffice! But also, why?!?!? I don't understand how this can or will help.

I've been pretty calm about this whole thing. It's not that I think it has a greater chance of working than it did last time, but having been successful once does ease my mind a bit. Also, it's not that I already have a child and a second is not wanted, necessary or important because I have always and desperately wanted a large family. I think it is just easier because I've done it before and know what to expect which allows me to both feel collected about it and also appear collected. Hopefully I can continue to keep it together for the next 24 hours or so.

Clothes, a bag, and a 10 mm uterine lining!

I flew out to Las Vegas for the day today, in fact, I'm still here sitting on a bench looking for something to do. 

I got here at 9:00 for my 10:00 appointment. I think I ovulated on the drive to the airport, I had some unusual cramping. I had my estrodiol drawn, which is apparently perfect, but I have no idea the level, they checked for cysts and found nothing, and Dr. Sher checked my uterine lining and found it to be a perfectly plump triple stripe 10 mm. All in all everything is looking great! The lab did manage to delay my estrodiol draw from Thursday but the clinic did get it on Friday...different lab, same company. 

I left the clinic with nothing else on my agenda and headed to the outlet mall. Had a brief lunch with a friendly bartender at Outback. I have updated my 3 year old purse in favor of a larger one that will function part time as a diaper bag. I also updated some of my work shirts as the ones I wear ons a regular basis have started to disintegrate. 

Ready to head home but can't move my flight up. 

Will be back here on Thursday for transfer day and a day of recommended bedrest. My parents plan to drive out to see us, but mostly Ethan. Should be an adventure filled week.

They still couldn't get it right.

I just assumed that the woman I spoke with yesterday at the lab was competent...I was wrong. 

The clinic still did not have my estrodiol results today by noon. I called the lab again and they guy who answered could find no record of the order at all! Instead of pushing it through, she cancelled the order altogether. Luckily he found the original order, relabeled it with there screwed up wording, pushed it through and walked it to the lab himself. 

I got an email from three different people at the clinic at about 3:30 and was able to start my estrogen injections tonight.

I have not researched FET meds like I did for IVF, in just assuming they know what they are doing, even if I do not. 

I'm currently taking Synthroid for my thyroid, an oral steroid because of my screwed up immune system, I'm taking lupron to suppress my brains controlling my own hormones, I'm taking folic acid to avoid neural tube defects, I'm taking lovenox to prevent miscarriage and help with implantation due to testing positive for antiphospheloid antibodies, and estrogen to prep my uterus for implantation. That's two injections and three pills daily. Although it looks like the estrogen is only every few days.

I gave myself the intramuscular injection of estrogen as Nate is still out of town. This is the second time j gave myself an intramuscular so I had to watch a video to make sure I got it right. Hurt like a bitch! Can't wait for progesterone injections!

Gah!

It wouldn't be normal for me to have a cycle that went smoothly, so of course this isn't out of the ordinary for me. I have spent the day trying to get the lab to send my TSH and estrodiol results to the clinic. The blood was drawn on Friday and the order stated STAT, but the clinic still does not have the results. 

I called the lab today and asked about the results but they said that they only do estrodiol testing STAT for IVF patients. I damn near lost my mind in the phone with the woman when I told  her that I was in fact an IVF patient. This was on top of the fact that I called the clinic before I went in, asked when I was there, and then called in the afternoon and was told all three times that the clinic would have the results before the end of the day. 

Apparently this lab has told the local doctors to order the labwork using special wording so that it gets done the same day, otherwise the STAT order is ignored. 

The woman in the phone called the Sher institute and got confirmation that I was an IVF patient and the results will be in tomorrow morning. However I can not take my estrogen shots until we have the results. I don't even know what I will do if they tell me that this cycle is a wash after all of this.

Taste test

My sister has been visiting from El Paso for the last week or so. It has been fun and interesting to have her around for so long because she has her son, my nephew with her. We've mostly just hung out  because I have to work and she has been cruising the town during the days.

This weekend though, she got violently ill with a stomach bug. Hopefully it's just a 24 hour thing, but it has meant that I'm taking care of both Ethan and her baby. I even ran to the store to get medicine and supplies with just me and the two of them. Nate has been out of town for work for the last 3 weeks so it was just us! And it went fine! 

I know the transition from one to two can be tough, but I feel that I have a better idea now and I can do this.

And yes, Nate finally has a job. He graduated May 2013, and just found work as a federal employee with the USDA January, 2015. He does not have to work but feels he contributed more to the family working than as a stay at home dad, and we love out babysitter/nanny, Ethan has learned so much from her and her boys.

And it all starts over again...

Today was cycle day one of our FET cycle to transfer our remaining embryo. I had my TSH checked as well as my estrodiol which was quickly followed up by a transvaginal ultrasound. I have no idea the results of any of the testing and although the results were supposed to be sent STAT to the clinic, because I sent a message to check, they emailed me to say they had not received anything. I suppose that I will have to spend part of my Saturday running around or calling around.

I expect these things to be rather straightforward after how many times I've had them done, so when something is different it really throws me for a loop. The ultrasound tech started off by sitting me down to tell me what we're going to be doing and asking if I'd had it done before. When I said that if had a transvaginal ultrasound done "plenty" of times, I got to play 20 question as to why I was there. Although I was in a mood, I felt I was polite and answered her questions but she was really questioning my history like there was something she could do about it or maybe something I hadn't thought of. Maybe I was unjustifiably paranoid though. Then she asked me to put the wand in myself, she didn't even look under the sheet. I really wanted to tell her that my modesty regarding these types of procedures is totally absent after everything I've been through, but refrained.

Anyway, I hope the remainder of this treatment cycle goes better than this first day.

Last birth control pill

I took my last birth control pill yesterday. Now I'm waiting for my cycle to start. Hopefully this cycle day 1 is the day I will have to constantly reference for the next 10 months. The last time around I didn't realize how momentous this day would be. 

Hold on, I'm going to go calculate something...

Assuming this cycle works, my due date would be the first week of February, 2016. Darn, I was shooting for Valentine's Day! Ethan's due date was halloween and so easy to use and for other people to remember. 

Does doing those calculations jinx the cycle? Does everyone make those calculations before each cycle? Does this make me neurotic? Maybe I'm just nervous...

We are really doing this again

May seemed so far off when I said that would be a good time to do the FET. Then when I went out to Las Vegas a week and a half ago and we officially booked a May slot, it still seemed like we had some time. Now, May is nearly upon us!

I saw my pcp on Tuesday morning for bloodwork and medical clearance, got my meds in the mail that same day (it is a huge amount compared to what I expected, the box is equal In size to the one received for IVF), and sent in our consent forms tonight.

If all goes as planned I start meds this Friday! I'm so excited yet only cautiously optimistic.

I'm back again

I can't believe I'm here...again...the time is gone so quickly. I thought that it might magically happen on its own, but my husband and I had agreed that if I wasn't pregnant miraculously by 18 months we would dive back in. We have spent 6 cycles officially trying and Ethan is now almost 19 months old. We are starting fertility treatments again.

There is a local reproductive endocrinologist and I considered for about a half a second whether not we should use them. However, it is ultimately about cost and comfort so we decided to return to the Sher Institute.This past weekend I went to Las Vegas and had an ultrasound. They repeated the fluid ultrasound that had previously been the most painful procedure I had ever had. I have primary infertility, but everyone treats me as though I have secondary infertility as though I have never been through this before. It's a very weird place to be, and I have no idea how to handle myself in certain situations. With the RE and the pharmacy I've just let them treat me like a newbie.

I spoke with the nurse/case manager and am slotted for a May FET cycle to use our remaining embryo.

Michele

E is One!

On September 20th E turned One! Honestly, I've looked forward to this for years! Celebrating a baby, my baby turning one, having birthday's, growing up, growing as a family. It all is very exciting.

Nate couldn't understand why I wanted to have a party, why people needed to come over, why all the decorations, why all the work, why all the fuss. But that is just him, he is a homebody and doesn't like to have people over. He did finally get into it as people were arriving though.

I planned a themed little red wagon party, sent out invitations and made my own decorations. A friend made the cake though. It turned out pretty great if I do say so myself. There were about 15 people. Nate's parents came. And I got some great pictures.

I made these invites in Word, I'm sure there was an easier way, but it worked out ok

I borrowed the wagon and made the 1 out of cardboard and then painted it

I made an about me page and posted it about the food table

There were various radio flyer toys around for the kids to play with, they did get moved outside

I ran paper bags through the printer and printed wagons on them for treat bags

I laid out make your own treats in my red white and teal pyrex dishes

There was homemade puppy chow and store bought carmel corn in pyrex on the tables

The drinks were in ice in yet another borrowed wagon

I printed, made and hung a Happy Birthday Ethan banner

I printed, made and hung a "Pin the wheel on the Wagon" game

Nate did all the grilling

There was a wagon cake made by a friend, that E had to play with and destroy, also, there was a wagon for presents, you can see it in the background

There was a smash cake made by the same friend

And Ethan got a wagon

And he got some cups and a another wagon (times two actually) with some blocks

And he got a push wagon

And we all had a great time!

Almost 1...almost

Ethan turns 1 next Saturday. I can't believe it. "They" are all right, "they" say that time flies when they are young. The sleepless nights, the early mornings, the few hours I have with him before and after work, the entire weekends I spend with him, none of it is enough. I can't get enough of him! This year has gone so fast. I love my not-so-little-anymore baby/almost toddler so much can't fully express it.

As I began to plan the party for his first birthday I realized how much I want to share it with all of you. All of you went through my journey with me to bring him here and I feel that you should be involved in the celebration of his first year of life. I can't believe I haven't been on here more to post about what is going on in my life. With our move to Albuquerque, I have realized how much I rely on the online friendships I developed through this blog. I have had so very little time to make new friendships in real life. Once Ethan goes to bed, I hop online to see what all of you are up to. I so eagerly await any new post that any of you write! However, over the last few weeks I've had so very little to read. Many have moved on and I know that summer is a busy time, but I can hardly reprimand others for doing exactly what I am guilty of. I've slowly drifted away from this space, but it doesn't mean I need it (and all of you) any less.

I hate to say it, but I'm addicted to comments. It makes me feel heard. But just as I'm a horrible long distance friend, I'm a horrible commenter. I read, I enjoy, I celebrate your families and your accomplishments, I laugh with you, I cry with you, but heaven forbid I acknowledge that I am doing so. I can make all the excuses I want, but overall I really am going to make the effort to be better. I'm going to start with a return to this space. 

So...see you all soon (I promise it won't be months between posts).

9 month update: Breastfeeding

I have to say, I wasn't sure that we'd make it this far.

Ethan was 9 months old on June 20th. He continues to breastfeed like a champ.

We did start solids at 7 months 2 weeks. As expected, he was much more interested at this time than he was at 6 months. He was sitting up unassisted (even if it was only for a minute or two, not 20+ at a time), he was watching me eat things, and he was putting things into his mouth with accuracy.

Although him eating makes me nervous, he does a pretty good job mashing things up when he puts it into his mouth by himself. We did a bit of a combo of finger foods and semi-solid purees and food pouches. The most difficult thing for him is when we spoon feed him things that have chunks. He tries to swallow anything from a spoon without chewing and then gags/coughs. His favorite thing has to be yogurt. He loves it and gobbles it down. We made an effort to try new things only sporadically, but he has had no reaction to anything, so we've become less cautious and he continues to do well. He doesn't quite eat what we do, but has joined our meals most of the time.

Ethan continues to breastfeed multiple times a day, usually around 7 AM, 5 PM and 7 PM, and usually once in the middle of the night, rarely twice in the middle of the night. He has yet to sleep through the night at this point. I don't mind it though, I love hanging out with him and once in the middle of the night is just fine by me. He also still gets 2-3 bottles of expressed milk in a bottle while I'm at work and he's hanging out with Nate at home. I pump at lunch at work and usually at 5 PM.

Ethan got his first two teeth the day that we moved into our rental (May 2nd) at about 7.5 months. Both bottom front teeth cut the same day... ;( ... it was rough for all of us. Then 6 weeks later, he got his top two teeth the same day (June 16). I got a pick the night before...owie!

Also, I have been bitten. He never clamped down without teeth, but he tried his luck a few times with those sharp little daggers. I wasn't ready for it the first time and may have reacted poorly. I yelped, it scared him. I broke the seal and put him in his crib crying a bit. It took me a minute to make sure I wasn't bleeding. When I was sure I was ok, I picked him back up and we continued. He was a bit tenuous at first, but didn't bite again that night. He's probably tried 2 more times, but I was more prepared and noticed he tried when he is done eating and bored and ready to go to bed.I hope we can continue without any biting!