So I just realized that it had been two weeks since I last posted. And I figured it was about time for another update.
I'm still in "starting over" cycle 1, but am nearing the very end. I haven't caved and bought a pregnancy test (where this new self control came from, I don't know) and have decided to wait until 17 dpo if I should feel the need to go get one and test. That will be this weekend if it (hopefully) comes to that.
There was a brief scare where I was afraid that AF had showed yesterday. You see, I am expecting her as I have for the last 2.5 years of TTC, but yesterday's timing would have been really bad. I had traveled with one of my graduate students 2.5 hours away to a border patrol training facility to make a million custom ear plugs (OK, it was only 20 people, but it took all morning) and when we first arrived, we were informed that there was no running water due to a septic system problem but that port-o-potties were available should the need arise. No Problem! I went before we left :). However, around mid-morning, I found myself over-heated and also feeling as though AF had come. I was not about to use an outdoor toilet for the mess I was expecting. So when we were done, we drove to the nearest public restroom (Wal.mart) and I was extremely surprised to find that she had not shown, however, I did take the necessary precautions for the 2.5 hour drive back home. Today will be a much better day as I am back in the main office
I have found recently that TTC is not at the forefront of my mind anymore, it's not that something else has replaced it, I just feel somewhat...less focused...more hopeful...less pessimistic...I'm not sure the phrase I'm looking for, but I'm simply able to concentrate more on other things. I'm hoping that this means that I'm more relaxed and it will just happen, but perhaps I'm just finally at the point of acceptance of our IF.
The mind space that letting this go a bit has freed up leaves me feeling fantastic. Exercise seems like less of a chore, heck chores seem like less of a chore. I have more time for friends and more time for the husband and more time for myself. My work gets done at work instead of bringing it home. I have more energy and feel more positive. I think that sometimes we try to force ourselves to feel positive when TTC and from my experience that is just not possible.
Side note: Our garden is flourishing this summer and we've had tons of zucchini and tomatoes already
Second Side note: The husband was being extra nice to me a few weeks ago on my birthday and I commented on it. He said he was being nice for my birthday. I asked if he could be that nice every day and he said that he would try, and you know what? He really has been trying. Much less arguing between us and it makes me try to be nicer as well. Our relationship has really improved and I hope this continues. I wonder if this is part of why my mindset on TTC has changed