Monday, March 28, 2011

The New Mexican Weather

I know I comment occasionally about the weather here, but I feel it deserves it's own post.

I grew up in the Midwest, we had 4 seasons and regular Midwestern weather. 

New Mexican weather can be crazy, but it is usually very nice. We have 2 seasons, summer and not summer. Read as hot and not so hot. There aren't very many days where I don't walk outside and say, "Wow, another gorgeous day outside!" There were a few crazy winter storms this year with actual snow, and the natural gas was out when it was -7 degrees Fahrenheit and we therefore had no heat, but again, that is rare and usually it doesn't get below freezing the entire year.

This is what I usually wake up to (view from the highway, not my backyard, taken last weekend)

However, we do live in the desert and weather fronts can kick up some nasty weather. Usually in the form of a dust storm. In the picture below, that's not clouds or rain, it's dust and it gets everywhere, in your mouth, in your eyes, on your skin and clothes, in the house, in your car, on the dogs...everywhere!

It also has a tendency to blow around tumbleweeds. Now, I thought tumbleweeds were just something made up for the movies, but no, they are real and prickly/scratchy, you use a rake to pull them out from under your car and hope they don't scratch the paint. Some are small and some are big. I once saw one as big as a VW beetle rolling across the Walmart parking lot. I tried to get a movie of one the other day to show you guys and managed to get hit by it, and yes it did scratch the paint on my Mercedes, see what I do for my wonderful readers!!!

You can't hear me cursing as I only did that after I shut the camera off, but then I chased it down the street in the car to get another video of it for you.

The weather is about 85 degrees outside now and I may decide to go lay out by the pool at a friend's apartment or out on base later this week (I don't know if they are open yet even though it is so nice).

Side note: there may be more posts like this in the near future as my fertility forays are limited right now while in my holding pattern, more on fertility after April 12<---my next meeting with Doc.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

New Cycle, New Me

I'm very anxious for this cycle and I don't know exactly why, there's really not a whole lot different that's going on right now. Maybe this will be my month.

I'm in a holding pattern right now, and thus haven't really had anything to blog about. I'm to take my thyroid medicine for six weeks and then go back to see Doc with new blood work. Every time he sees me he says, who knows maybe next time I see you you'll be pregnant, like it's just going to magically happen. He really seems to think this thyroid thing is all that's holding me back. Given my that my HSG went ok, that H's SA looks ok, that the post-coital test looks ok, that I actually seem to ovulate and have regular periods every 29 days, maybe he's right! I've allowed myself to de-stress a little given that most things look ok.

I am trying a few new things this month though just to see if anything might help. I'm trying to improve my overall health even though,  in general, I live a healthy lifestyle.

1. We are having salads for dinner and fruit for desert multiple nights a week and not going out to eat at all. If we can't do yet another salad, I simply try to incorporate more fruit and veg (blueberry pancakes count right?!?!)
2. I am drinking 2-3 cups of herbal tea a day, it decreases my need for soda and caffeine and increases my water intake. However, I refuse to drink only red-raspberry tea (a girl can only drink so much before she actually turns into a raspberry) and include echinacea for immune system support and a nighty-night tea to help develop a routine so that I can get more sleep.
3. I'm also taking more baths, it relaxes me and allow me to soak up some dead sea salts which are supposed to help with hypothyroidism.
4. I'm trying to exercise more often, if I don't make it to the gym that day we walk the dogs instead. They love it and we love it and it leads into my next point...
5. I'm trying to enjoy being out doors more often and getting more sun.  Now I'm not talking about sun-bathing, but rather just getting a little light and a little vitamin D, you know a little tan on my skin instead of my regular glow-in-the-dark skin. I water my plants and take more walks and go out in the yard with the dogs. This will be more and more difficult as it's already in the 80's most days and I tend to burn before tanning.
6. I've also out-ed myself (Infertility-wise) at work and to a few random people. My boss already knew we were trying and also knew that I had missed work for Dr's appts. so she already had a good idea of what was going on, also back in October on a business trip (where she and I were forced to share a room...I know awkward right?!?!...I had already alluded to the fact that we were having problems). I also accidentally brought it up with the girl who does my nails (turns out she did several rounds of Clomid a few years ago without success...secondary infertility as she has a son...and is about to try again). The students I supervise already knew we were having trouble and one or two actually follow this blog....Turns out that I might not have been as "in-the-closet" about this whole thing as I though...and it feels good to tell people, they don't react as poorly as I thought they would, but maybe it's how openly I broach the subject. I have yet to tell my family although H's parents know.

On a TTC note, we are trying the SMEP (sperm meets egg plan). I've read about it several times and even if it makes no difference it keeps me to a schedule. So we are...

1. Taking BBT every morning
2. Monitoring CM
3. Started OPKing yesterday
4. Taking an expectorant (not the brand name one) to facilitate CM production...Started today, whoopie<---That's me so excited...can't you tell?!?!...Yay, another daily pill, can't wait to see if there are side-effects to this
5. Having sex every other day until OPK is positive then it will be every day, and H isn't allowed to "relieve" himself on the off days. Come on guys...I let him know what I REALLY mean
6. And of course this will be the first full cycle on thyroid meds.
7. Also, I'm continuing weekly chiropractic care

Even if this plan doesn't include true medical intervention, it is still a plan, and I won't have any of you telling me otherwise.

***whispers***: "This does sound like a plan to you too, right?"

Side note: Although I'm on a healthy kick, it still counts if I take my friends kid for a walk even if it is to go to McDonalds to get ice cream...right? He knows how to model for a picture so I had to post.

Mary's son Wyatt and I on our way back from McD's (Mary and Junebug not pictured)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

When the butterfly emerges, does the caterpillar cease to exist?

Hello ICLWers for my TTC timeline you can click the tab above, for a quick update you can see this post from earlier this week. 

No I'm not pregnant, I'm just thinking about the future and here's what I came up with.

Are you still infertile if you go one to have a healthy pregnancy that produces a child?

I think so, I don't think the mind and body can ever forget infertility. I think those women who do move on continue to understand the plight of those who are waiting for their BFP. But most of all, I think those who are still waiting should rejoice with those who have succeeded instead of drowning in their continued struggle. After so many 2 week waits, those women are now in their 9 month wait and a continued state of fear. For most of us will hopefully move on and have the same success.

So many women in our little blogosphere struggle to conceive but then do move on to have a successful pregnancy. Initially, most seem to internally debate between their desire to blog about their success and the experiences that come with that success without sounding like they are complaining or aren't grateful. They are still infertile! They know what it feels like to be left behind other side waiting for a BFP and seeing others move on into pregnancy and parenting. They, however, still need to vent.

My personal opinion is that this is my space. This is where I get to be myself and talk about my life and my experiences. When my BFP comes, I hope that those who have been following me can rejoice with me. I also hope that they can empathize even though they may not be able to sympathize if they haven't gone through it themselves. I have no qualms about following and commenting on those blogs who's writers have moved on into pregnancy and parenting. I hope you all can help me cope with the morning sickness and all the other side effects as well as the craziness that comes with having a newborn.

Have you all seen the movie Cider House Rules based on the novel by the same name written by John Irving?

If not, then let me summarize it a little for you so that I can get to my analogy (it came to me in the shower one morning and I thought it would make a good post, but it can't stand on it's own).

There is a doctor in a rural town during a time when abortions were illegal. He performs these illegal abortions but also runs an orphanage for the unwanted children who are born and left there. Tobey Maguire is one such orphan and the leading role in the movie. His character comes of age and leaves the orphanage to work in a cider house only to end up returning to the orphanage to take over for the original doctor, he has been training for this position his whole life even though he never goes to medical school. Although, the movie has the side stories of abortions, orphans and adoptions I'd like to make a slightly different point then you likely expect.

At one point in the movie, one of the children from the orphanage gets adopted. The doctor and the orphans have their traditions, one of which is to help the children who remain cope after one of their friend's has left. He has those who remain wish those who have been adopted well in their new lives, he tells them "Be happy for him, he has found a home." They then all say goodnight/goodbye to the one who has left.

To all of you who I have followed who have gotten pregnant, I am happy for you, you have found your new life. Instead of saying goodbye, I will say congratulations!

To those of you who are still waiting with me, I hope you will be happy for me when I find my new life. I hope you will continue to follow me and comment on occasion and can congratulate me.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Hello ICLWers

I've been advised that the best way to start ICLW is to give a brief history of where I stand.

Right now, I stand in the middle of Nowhere, both literally and methophorically.

I live very far from an RE and thus haven't been released from my regular gyno in to RE care after 14 moths of TTC without a single BFP. I was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism and am to go back to see my gyno (after more blood work of course) on April 12 after 6 weeks of thyroid medication to see where I stand.

Hopefully, my numbers will be better and I will be referred to another local gyno who does IUIs.

Side note: An update to my regular readers, sorry I haven't been commenting on your blogs, after AF came on Wednesday, then I got the plague on Thursday, vomiting, diarrhea, the whole nine yards. (It's going around my work, a horrible GI tract virus) I'm still dehydrated and feel hungover. I got out of work on Friday but am back at work today. It's CD7 and this doesn't bode well for this month. Hopefully this doesn't affect ICLW and my commenting on other blogs.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

I love blogging!

...and I love reading your comments!!! I look forward to it after every post and I frequently check my stats to see who has come to visit my little space in the blogosphere and how they got here.

So I've decided to participate in my very first IComLeavWe (Short for International Comment Leaving Week) this month. I just signed up! Check out my, huh?

According to Melissa aka Lollipopgoldstein over at Stirrup Queens, "Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged"--now, since I'm American, I would say honored but you get the point.

To my regular readers...please be nice to any visitors. Also, any tips from those who have participated before?

To any new readers, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT! It's my favorite part of blogging!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Some Chemistry Experiment!

Really, doesn't infertility remind you a little bit of some chemistry experiment you did in high school/college? Or a really bad recipe?

Steps to include:

Take one cup of red raspberry tea to boost fertility
Add one pill of synthroid to balance the hormones (for hypothyroidism only)
Take daily pre-natal to make sure I get enough folic acid
Put butt at a 45 degree angle after sex to make sure the spermies know which way to go
Take BBT at exactly the same time each day in exactly the same place and apply to my very scientific chart
Check cervical mucus
Have sex wait-every other day-no wait-everyday...(stupid lab partner, can't you read the directions?!?!?!)

Substitutions can be made:

Use of menstrual cup to help spermies instead of keeping butt at 45 degree angle
BBT can be limited to just around time of ovulation if you so desire

Then of course you must also field questions from the professor and keep your cool while doing so:

"Have you been relaxing?"
"Maybe you're just not trying hard enough?"
"Are you sure you did it right?"

For fuck's sake, I'm no good at chemistry!!! I got a C in Chem 101 because I stopped going to class! I freakin' changed my major because I hated it so much!

Wait, is that a sign?

Better refer back to the textbook. Time to pick back up "Taking Charge of Your Fertility".

Any other suggestions?

Maybe it's time I hired a tutor? <--read R.E not a boy-toy on the side, I think H would be a little mad to say the least!!

Side note: AF came today, I could be a little bitter because of it.

Second side note: sorry if I'm cluttering your in-box, I just looked back and it seems as though I've had the urge to post nearly everyday all of the sudden.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Finnley's having none of the Vlog

I tried to another vlog tonight to update you all on my status. I thought it could be short and know, to the point, but you would get to see my face and hear my voice again. However, Finnley wouldn't let me talk without barking, so I put him and all of the other dogs in their kennels, he still didn't want me to record. Check it out

So what I was trying to say...

Day 28 of a typical 29 day cycle and 13 dpo.  Same ol' same ol', no major differences from any other cycle so likely not prego. 

What I did this cycle that made absolutely no difference (probably because I started most of it mid-cycle):

Daily pre-natal vitamin
Occasional raspberry tea

Started Synthroid for my thyroid on day 15 the day I ovulated
Chiropractic care once a week, starting day 12 this cycle

What all these things have helped with:

I found out that hypothyroidism can be caused by iodide deficiencies and found a few remedies that might help, or at least won't hurt. Taking sea kelp pills and taking baths in dead sea salt water are two of the things I've been doing. The bathing is definitely relaxing and when deemed necessary for my health, H is content to let me soak for a good long while when I decide to do so.

I have more energy since taking the new medication and planted some flowers, which was a lot of work, but was relaxing.

I also have more energy to go to the gym so I've lost 3 pounds.

Chiropractic care is also stress reducing and hopefully will benefit fertility as I've mentioned before.

Maybe next month is my month, we'll know for sure about this month tomorrow.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Hey, does my chart look tri-phasic to you?

..only you girls would know what that means.

But seriously now, does it? I know that you are used to looking at fertility friend, but I use an app on my ipad...but you still get the gist.

I know it doesn't necessarily mean I'm pregnant (I googled it...a lot), but it has to be a relatively good sign. It's never looked like this before. Also, there is a definite ovulation dip and a possible implantation dip. All on approximately the right days. I'm 12 dpo, tested this morning (although I am usually not a tester, I had to test [said in a whining "I'm really not guilty" voice]<--see note below)

So here's the short version of my weekend with lots of pics.

I offered to host my boss' birthday party at my house. Her birthday is on St. Patrick's day but we are having an expo out of town both she and I will not be here.

H and I potted some plants on Saturday so things would look nice. Most of them have to be in the shade or they burn during the summer.
Back yard by back door: Croton, Oleander, Petunia 
Back yard other side of back door: Blue Nile lilies, Croton, Oleander
Back corner back yard: Petunia, A climbing plant that starts with B
Front porch: Iris (the dog) with potted petunias, last season's maple trees.

And put a new bush in the front yard-Iris helped- (the stupid neighbors let their dogs pee on our plants and it kills them so each year we put in a new one, this one is a little further from the sidewalk)

On Sunday (today) we had about 25 people over, so I made corned beef and cabbage, hot dogs and burgers, and a couple other random things. It was good food and good fun. I got totally sunburned (and now will have some horrible fantastic tan lines) after 2 days outside at 85+ degrees (don't you wish you lived here now, huh?)

Recipe I always use for these events

Easy veggie pizza: makes 12-15 individual appetizer servings depending on how you slice it.

2 cans crescent rolls, roll out flat onto a cookie sheet and twist together the seams, bake as though it were a pizza crust. Cook according to heat and time on can, poke with a fork and flatten with a spatula to keep it from puffing up as needed during baking. Allow to cool

Mix together 4 oz of cream cheese softened, 1/4 cup mayo, 1/2 cup sour cream (add more of each if you like more dip) and a package of powered ranch dressing or powdered ranch dip mix. Spread evenly across cooled crust.

Add any toppings you prefer, I usually choose, shredded carrots, broccoli and cauliflower florets, and then top with shredded sharp cheddar cheese.


Healthy substitutes can be used: Low fat cheese, low fat sour cream, smart balance mayo, low fat crescent rolls.

Slice with a pizza cutter, it's just easier.

Friday, March 11, 2011

No Dildo Cam for Me...yet

I have not officially experienced the transvaginal wand yet, but from the stories I've heard, it can be quite the experience.

This is me not excited to ever have one...unless there is a very tiny baby inside to take pictures of.

Since humorous writing is not exactly where I excel in life I thought I'd refer you to someone who can really entertain.

I found a new blog through LFCA, Lucky Z rights at Club TTC. She just had her first wanding and wrote all about it. It about made me pee my pants.

She says she has a billygoat named Gus living in her uterus and Atilla the Hun did her ultrasound, if that doesn't have you hooked I don't know what to tell you. Go visit her, she is one of my new favorite bloggers.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Blog makeover

So I did my own bloggy makeover, what do you think?

I did it myself so be gentle.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Chiropractic Care

Because traditional chinese medicine is a rare and rather expensive comodity around here (and I would have to take off work and visit Dr. Crazypants again and am sure I would have to admit he was right) I have turned to more modern if equally taboo treatment, chiropractic care.

I have never before sought out chiropractic care because I always thought it was a bunch of hooey, but recently I was forced to to become a recipient of their services.

I woke up one morning with a sore back, or rather a small sore area in the middle of my back right on my spine, about the size of a quarter. It felt like a bruise, but there was no visible bruise, and none ever appeared. I assumed it would go away, but throughout the day got worse, more intense, and began to radiate. I got H to rub it, but it didn't help because it wasn't muscle related there was nowhere to rub. I eventually asked the PA at my practice to look at it and she indicated that it might be a spinal subluxation or in layman's terms a twist in my spine that got stuck. She recommended some home remedies and stated that if I couldn't resolve it on my own, I should seek chiropractic care. It didn't so I did.

It was the day of my HSG and I'd already taken a half day off work. So I made an appointment and went because I felt fine after the HSG. I went to a chiropracter who is one of my patients (its a relatively small town here and I'm sure my patients will come up again and again) I relayed multiple ailments I had aquired over the years including hip problems from volleyball, foot problems from running, the new back issue but also and most importantly for this post the new infertility problems. She took an xray of my back down to my pelvis (interested parties might like to know that HSG contrast was already gone and it had been about an hour, I find it mildly interesting that it came out so quickly when I must suffer though AF, who originates in the same place, for 4-5 days). She was quick to fix my back which was my main problem, but the moved on to my pelvis (adjustments for the pelvis involves pushing in the buttocks when I'm face down, awkward, but it could be worse) She was the second person in as many hours to note that I would have trouble birthing vaginally, did both people fail to notice that I'm in for infertility? I don't care about birthing vaginally right now I care about getting pregnant, I'll worry about that later. She indicated that problems with the lower back can contribute to infertility and adjusted that too. I have since been back for repeat adjustments for the above problems, but am also trying adjustments for my feet and neck for my new, fun thyroid condition.

I plan to continue chiropractic care because my back still acts up and it helps my feet, but also on the off chance and even the slightest possibility that it helps with my thyroid condition. If nothing else, the ease of my aches and pains helps me relax and reduces stress, and we all know that's all it takes, right?!?!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

I just read and commented on a post that touches on a concept that I have been thinking about for a while.

Which is worse, getting pregnant and having a miscarriage, or never being able to get pregnant in the first place? (thus my title: Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?)

I think most people fall into one of the two categories and, luckily, very few people have to experience both ie. struggling to conceive for years then miscarrying. Also, I don't know into which category failed IUI/IVFs fall into, maybe they are their own category.

I believe all suck equally in their own ways and are emotionally draining and very difficult.  Being that I have not miscarried or gone through failed IUIs/IVFs, I can only empathize with those who have without fully understanding what that person is going through. I think it is very hard for a person experiencing one to fully understand the others.

One thing I think of is that to have a miscarriage means that your body can at least get pregnant whereas mine can not.

Even though we may have drastically different experiences, I think the ease at which we are able to relate to and comfort one another in the blogosphere is amazing.

Thank you all for your support in our ongoing struggles.

I have decided to include in this post one of the amazing stories I've come across about the medical side of infertility. The PA that works at the ENT practice I work at had a miscarriage/very early delivery of her baby girl on Dec 24th, 2010. Her baby did not make it. She wrote the following story as a way to comfort herself as well as to explain to those following her story what she was going through. At the time, I encouraged her to read some of your blogs or perhaps to start her own, I am not aware of whether or not she has.

Published with her permission:

 Full of Holes
We are traveling home today after a 25 day hospital stay, four hours from our home, and I feel like an empty shell.  I don’t recognize my own body for all the changes.  I am having trouble finding a place on my body that is not in pain or trying to heal from some sort of trauma.  My skin is timeline of what I have just been through with its map of bruises, edema, remnants of adhesive, and punctures in different stages of healing.
I am humbled by this experience, and wanted to put in writing some of my insight. As a healthcare provider,  I felt I had more empathy for a patient if I had gone through the same procedure or illness .  We even go so far as to practice on each other during training.  I had the perception I was an empathetic and compassionate provider.  Now, through personal experience, it is clear that having a single procedure, surgery, or test performed  outside the context of actually having the illness or disease is obviously not equivalent to what a patient experiences.  Aside from being in that patient’s shoes, there is no way to guess the amount of discomfort they are feeling.
Each insult to the body is cumulative.  It is almost as if we have an internal tolerance gauge.  At the beginning of the illness or trauma, we start out with the gauge at full.  The first procedure is isolated and the pain we experience is at an expected level.  However, we have a little leak in our tolerance level because the body and mind remember the insult.  If enough recovery time is available, that tolerance is replenished.  However, if we then undergo another procedure, surgery, blood draw, IV insert, etc., the perception of that insult is greater due to decreased tolerance. 
It is as though the body is left with a little hole, and after multiple insults is almost like a sieve.  In fact, it often feels like a rapid-fire assault on the body.  There is no opportunity to go back to baseline.  So, you find yourself noticing that  even a little needle stick for a blood draw makes you break out in a sweat, the thought of them changing your IV brings you to tears, or you ask for a pain medication to help you tolerate a simple procedure that normally only requires a local injection of lidocaine.
I found myself fearful and anxious without appropriate cause.  I was unable to understand simple instructions or retain information for very long.  I had to ask my husband to make medical decisions for me because I was in too much pain to process the discussion of ris k versus benefit.  There was a point at which I was completely depleted body, mind and spirit, and it unfortunately came when I was in the intensive care unit with an infection that that had resulted in the premature labor, delivery, and loss of my daughter, but was now threatening to take my life as well.  That lonely, painful night, almost completely immobilized by medical equipment, with frequent loud alarms in my ears , as my body was giving out; I gave up.
The next morning, my body was starting to stabilize.  Now, I had to dig deep and find a way to get through each needle stick, IV insert, procedure, and medication that would lead to my recovery.    Each positive result seemed to fill my tank a little, and my husband and family were there to hold my hand and give me their strength.  I also had the fortune of being cared for by a very compassionate and loving team of medical professionals.  It was only then that my mind actually started to process the extent of my loss, and I could begin to grieve.
So, today is a celebration, of sorts , to be out of the hospital and begin the travel home.  I feel just a shell of my former self as I struggle just to perform simple tasks such as bathing and brushing my teeth.  I sit on the floor in the bathroom trying to sort through what else I should be doing.  I finally start to pull things out of my toiletries bag one by one and ask myself if that was something I needed to do. 
As I look back and catalog my time in the hospital, I can see how I have become so depleted:  vital signs every 2-4 hours, fetal heart tone measurements and fetal monitoring up to 4 times daily, 20 days of laying as flat as possible, resulting in constant neck, back, and shoulder spasm, more than 24 venipunctures, 2 arterial blood gases, 2 ultrasounds, 2 urinary catheter placements,  a central line placement, a PICC line placement,  8 failed attempts at an amniocentesis, 6 IV placements (2 under ultrasound guidance), 4 additional attempts at IV placement,  spinal anesthesia, a complicated surgery where I was conscious and almost completely inverted for 2.5 hours , an epidural anesthesia, time in the ICU which resulted in a weight gain of over 10 pounds in 24 hours from fluid overload, and an incredibly painful premature labor and delivery , holding my daughter in my arms as she passed away while they patched me up on the surgery table, and now, I am attached to a portable pump which supplies a constant flow of broad spectrum antibiotic directly into my central blood supply to fight a multi-drug resistant infection. 
 My physical body will heal pretty rapidly, but  I am expecting that the body will have some memory of each insult for some time.   The fatigue and loss of muscle will take a little longer to improve.  How long it will take me emotionally and mentally to recover from the physical insults may take many months.  The all-encompassing grief, sense of loss, and guilt associated with  the loss of my daughter may never completely heal. 
I am now a body full of holes; the greatest of which is the gaping hole in my chest from the loss of my beautiful daughter.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The results are in...

for serious though, I can't decide if today was a fantastic, wonderful day or a craptastic-let-me-go-crawl-back-into-bed day. Could someone please decide for me?

I met with Doc today and found out why I was scheduled so immediately after my bloodwork and my HSG.

HSG is ok as I thought. BUT...I have hypothyroidism...who would have thunk it?

Turns out that Dr. Crazypants over at the local homeopathic medical plaza did...back in October! and I didn't believe him because he is crazy! Or at least he looks it and has very poor bed-side manner. Doc said that Dr. Crazypants does tell everyone that they have thyroid problems and I was right (in a sense) to question his "diagnosis".

I always thought that hypothyriodism meant that you had to be overweight. I'm 5'4" (who knew?!?! I've thought I was 5'2" for years) and 137 pounds. I could stand to loose a few pounds around the midsection, but overall I'm essentially healthy, or so I thought.

Turns out that normal Thyroid Stimulating Hormone (TSH) is pretty much anything under 5. Doc Fudd said today that I had 8.6!!! Yipes!!! But I don't really scale-wise know how bad that is. 

Here are the symptoms of hypothyroidism in relation to what I've been experiencing-

Early symptoms:
  • Being more sensitive to cold-Check but I thought I'd just acclimated to a warmer climate
  • Constipation-Check, or the opposite sometimes
  • Depression-Check, but it seemed like the regular infertility blues (also, couple months back in early 2009 but my dog had died and the sadness just lingered)
  • Fatigue-Check, thought it was work related
  • Heavy menstural cycles-check but they've always been that way
  • Joint or muscle pain-check, check
  • Paleness or dry skin-check my lips are so chapped I think they will fall off sometimes
  • Thin or brittle hair or nails-nada, this one I escaped
  • Weakness-check
  • Weight gain (unintentional)-I never thought it was that bad
Late symptoms, if left untreated:
  • Decreased taste and smell-nope
  • Hoarsness-nope
  • Puffy face, hands, and feet-nope
  • Slow speech-yes, but I talk to people with hearing loss all day, it's a job requirement
  • Thickening of the skin-no
  • Thinning of eyebrows-YES!!! (this is what Dr. Crazypants picked up on)

Shit!!! I should have known!! and COULD have known 5 months ago had I believed the crazy man.

[Insert bad case of the shoulda, coulda, wouldas and the general self-loathing that comes with that]

I don't seem to have the infertility side effects that  tend to go with hypothyroidism such as anovulatory cycles, luteal phase defects, PCOS, chemical pregnancies and differences in length of menstrual cycles (that I know of, I still could be charting this all wrong)

I start popping pills tomorrow and go back for more blood work in 6 weeks. Doc gave me an order for more blood work and a very low dosage prescription.  He said that I shouldn't expect to get pregnant until my TSH looks better-meaning I'm responding to the medication. He will give me that time to respond then up the dosage. If he can't get it under control, then I will be referred to an endocrinologist (not a reproductive endocrinologist).

When I write it all down, my situation does not seem so dire. I'm glad to know what's going on, I hope this ends up being the only problem and can be solved in a matter of weeks or months. However, to find out I have a serious problem that I will likely have for the rest of my life was not exactly the news I expected to hear.