Sunday, February 27, 2011


So I finally had my HSG on Friday..what a clusterfuck. Read on to hear more. Pictures from this weekend at the end.

I was to have a beta for a pregnancy test on Thursday just to make sure they wouldn't hurt anything by doing the procedure.

I was to pick up the order for blood work from the imaging center in the hospital and take it over to the lab. I was told the lab opened at 6:30, so I got there at 6 fucking 30 in the morning only to find out that there's NO ONE in the imaging center until 7:00 AM. I decided I had no choice but to wait. Then when the idiot girl for the front desk finally gets there, she says that she can't order blood work so the radiologist always orders it the DAY OF not the DAY BEFORE the exam. I'm glad I asked if there was anyway she could have printed this out and stored it somewhere, turns out she did. So I take the order down the hall to the lab hand it in and get all registered. It is now 7:20 and I have to leave for work to be at a meeting at 7:30. I politely ask if there is anyway to speed this up, there isn't so I have to leave.

Because I was told that the blood work is typically done the day of the exam (remember, she said so) I come again at 6:30 on Friday for blood work. I was told it takes an hour and 15 minutes to get it to the lab so if I came the day of, I should come right at 6:30. 6:30 it is, here I am and I'm not taken in until 7:00. I ask if there is anyway the imaging center will have the results by 8:00 for my appointment at 8:00 and the phlebotomist says that it doesn't say STAT anywhere on it, I ask her to please rush the order and she says she will try. 

I eat at the hospital cafeteria for breakfast and decide that it is not my fault if they don't get the results on time. I have my ipad and use the hospital's internet to catch up on all of your wonderful blogs. In the meantime while my temper settles and I enjoy a surprisingly good breakfast I totally forget to take any medication to alleviate the pain of the impending procedure.

I finally get called for my appointment and they tell me that they are going to take x-rays of my head and neck...wait...what in the what?!?!? I tell them the procedure I am scheduled for, and sure enough, they think that I am my husband who was in the previous day for head and neck x-rays due to a minor car accident we had over the holidays that he is still hurting from. Something about insurances and emergency contacts got them confused. Turns out I was still scheduled in the right timeslot she just picked up the wrong orders. I'm passed off to the right technician and off we go.

They ask me if I know what is going to happen during the procedure and I say yes. They proceed to tell me about what is going to happen three times. They then hand me a National Geographic magazine from 1983 to read while I wait. Yes, 1983, that was the year I was born!!!

The technician who is to do the procedure comes in introduces himself, explains the procedure (again) and gets on with it. The procedure was not painful at all until I was totally full of the contrast medium and even then it just felt like a bad cramp. When I complained he said he had what he needed and released he balloon in the catheter and took it and the speculum out. I cleaned up and headed out of there.

They did let me watch the screen the whole time and I interpreted my own results. He said I was accurate. My uterus is tipped to the right, both tubes are open but the right tube is all scrunched up because of the tipping, he said this shouldn't be a problem. He said that it is possible that my left tube was crimped or something (or it could have been an air bubble) and the contrast  medium could have pushed it open.

Dr. ElmerFudd must have gotten the results immediately because Friday afternoon I got a call from his office confirming an appointment I didn't make for Tuesday at 1:00 PM. Now I have to figure out how to get off from work to get to that appointment.

Side note: I made a fantastic breakfast this morning and think I'm going to include some of those recipes and such in this blog. I love to cook and wonder if posting some of my recipes would get others to give me some new ideas, what do you think?
  • I almost always cook breakfast on weekends. Today I made egg white french toast, turkey bacon and quinoa (pronounced keen-wah). I happened to have all the ingredients and have been trying to find a recipe for pumpkin seeds I've had since October.
    • Quinoa is a grain, kind of like rice and when cooked is a little like oatmeal or porrige. It can be found at most natural food stores, the recipe I used can be found at The Daily Garnish
Quinoa with cranberries, apples and pumpkin seeds

H likes it

My audience (they can't be in the kitchen so they sit about 10 feet away and watch)

Saturday, February 26, 2011

Tagged and Vlog, Ok, I'll play x2

Two things sweeping the bloggy world of infertility lately have landed in my lap, I figured I could participate in both in one post, please bear with me, this will be long. 

First, I was tagged by Jen at The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita  the other day and I'll tell you, the few readers I have (whom I am so glad continue to follow my sorry story and poor writing), a little more about myself.

Rule #1: the tagged person must write their answers on their blog and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule #2: tag 4 people to do this quiz; they cannot refuse (ok, so nothing bad will happen if you don’t participate but I would love to see your answers). The tag-ee must state who tagged them. ----Since everyone has already been tagged who is likely to participate, if you read this consider yourself tagged and post if you haven't already.

Second, Josie at My Cheap Version of Therapy posted a Vlog (Video Log I'm assuming) and I thought I'd give it a try. See the bottom of this post for my vlog.

So, Tag, I'm it:

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals or are they members of your family? --We have 5 dogs you can read about here, and 2 turtles (Harvey and PeeWee). The dogs are definitely part of the family but the turtles are just for fun. I've had Harvey for 8 years, longer than all of the dogs, and PeeWee for less than a year.

2. If you could have a dream come true, what would it be? --Right now I agree with all the other postings on this topic, I would like to have a baby

3. What would you do with a billion dollars?--I would pay off my student loans, pay off our mortgage and cars, help my family pay their debts and then invest the rest for fun later on

4. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?--Frozen custard, the local joint is called Caliches and we don't go there very often. I also like to go to the pet store to buy things for my dogs.

5. What is your bedtime routine?--Get all ready for bed because I've already been half asleep on the couch, then beg H to let me watch more TV from bed while I fall asleep for the night (he usually makes me turn it off)

6. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your significant other?--H and I met almost 3 years ago. My co-worker introduced us at the gym because he was her personal trainer.

7. What kind of books do you read?--I like to read novels that are part of a series because I don't like it when the first one ends an there is no more. Right now I'm reading Diana Gabledon's Outlander series.

8. What is a place you have always wanted to visit? I'm copying Jen's answer here because mine is the exact same "I would love to go on a cruise around the islands of Greece. As a kid, I loved mythology. And having studied architecture, I think it would be a fascinating place to visit."

9. What’s your fear?--I fear loosing my job because because of the economy because my job allows us to live in relative comfort and if we need medical treatment for infertility I would not be able to afford it without my job.

10. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to see outer space?--I really have no interest in going to outer space. That is unless humans destroy the planet and another planet is more hospitable-hehe.

11. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?--put my glasses on because I'm blind until I have my contacts in, then let the dogs out and feed them, they are on a schedule and can't wait

12. If you could change one thing about your significant other, what would it be?--He gets stressed out about little things, I wish he had a better stress reliever than going to the gym because he's had multiple surgeries on his shoulder's and ankles

13. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?--I'd keep my name but spell it with 2 L's as no one ever gets it right, but now that I've had it so long, I'm used to it and like that it's a little different without being wacky

14. If you had to choose between six months of sun or six months of rain, what would you choose?--really...really

15. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be?--guacamole with corn chips, healthy...salty...fantastic!!!

16. What is the thing you enjoy about blogging the most?--making some good friends who care to hear what I'm going through all the tie because I'm sure people in my real life are tired of it already

17. Do you prefer salty or sweet foods?--I can't choose, I like salty things but chocolate and flavored tootsie rolls get the better of me some days

18. What items are in your purse right now?--Shit...really! Wallet, makeup case, earphones for the gym, an extra pair of socks (I don't know why), my last pay stub, too much chapstick, and my Ruger LCP .380<---Bet you never saw that one coming (It's pink and I have my concealed carry license, also, I am an excellent shot, plus we live in North New Mexico)

19. If you had to choose between vacationing at the beach or in the mountains where would you go?--I sort of have both all the time, we live in the desert at the bottom of the mountains, but if I left here to vacation, I'd go to the beach.

20. What do you watch on television that you know you shouldn’t?--We canceled our satellite 3 weeks ago and watch Netflix and shows on the internet as well as DVDs, but I can watch old episodes of Gilmore Girls (a show I was addicted to in college) again and again and again, to the point where H almost has the whole series memorized just from listening to it.

Here's my Vlog post: (Go Visit Josie if you haven't already)

Sorry the angle is a little weird because the camera is below the monitor (the monitor is a little huge, you'll see it in the video), I tried recording 2 times before I could get it to record with sound.

Words said:
Aunt, Route, Wash, Oil, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, Sure, Data, Ruin, Crayon, Toilet, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Spitting image, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Syrup, Pajamas, Caught
Questions answered:
What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
What is the bug that when you touch it, it curls into a ball?
What is the bubbly carbonated drink called?
What do you call gym shoes?
What do you say to address a group of people?
What do you call the kind of spider that has an oval-shaped body and extremely long legs?
What do you call your grandparents?
What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
What is the thing you change the TV channel with?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Lazy, Hazy, Crazy days of Summer...

...Oh wait, it's not even Spring. Who could tell though. It was below 0 degrees two weeks ago and this weekend it was 80 degrees out!!! I know it's not summer yet, but we had a lazy, sort of hazy, a little bit crazy sort of weekend. Read about it below.

Mary's boyfriend Zach is PCS-ing to England (they are both in the Airforce) in the next few weeks so we had a going away party on Friday night. I thought we were only going out for pizza, but we ended up at one of only two bars in town (they are both dives, but at least people don't get stabbed at the one we went to). I had a lot a couple of drinks and was mostly useless for the rest of the weekend although it does appear that we got stuff done when I write it all down. Because I've cut back to almost not drinking at all, this weekend was pretty rough. I will not be drinking again anytime soon. It doesn't agree with me.

We got a lot of stuff done around the house including pulling out potted plants from last season and a bunch of spring cleaning around the house. Plus a lot of laying around doing nothing. And I had my own personal Bones marathon on from Saturday night to Sunday night.

This weekend we moved some of the furniture around and into the house. However, we have more furniture than can fit inside and more than half has remained in one stall of our 2 car garage. Last weekend we bought a bunch of furniture from an estate in Albuquerque.

It's sort of an ironic story.
Stay with me here, it is sort of related to infertility...

Two and a half years ago when H and I moved in together (gasp...we weren't married yet) H's father brought some antique Ethan Allen furniture down from Colorado Springs for us. It was just a few bedroom pieces (a tall dresser, a long dresser and a nightstand) and I wanted a second matching nightstand. I couldn't find the right ones anywhere online and finally ended up posting on an Ethan Allen website what we were looking for. I had forgotten about doing so until a month ago when a woman e-mailed me.  She said that she had the nightstand I was looking for and it happened to be in Albuquerque, NM and Where was I? Little did she know I was in the same part of the country let alone the same state. She also said that she had a bunch of other furniture from that style and stain. We weren't sure about all of it, maybe just a couple of pieces, but we  drove up to Albuquerque, rented a U-Haul and ended up buying everything they had (including a dining room set, several more dressers, end tables, headboards bookshelves etc) and got it all at a fraction of the cost. They said that their mother would have wanted it to go to someone who would keep it all together (it reminded me a little of adopting brothers and sisters and keeping them together...why does everything make me think of infertility). She also gave us the copy of the catalog her mother ordered the stuff from and there is a cradle and a bassinet in the set. I guess this will be a future treasure hunt.

See picture below of how our animals agreed with our Lazy weekend...

Doodle sleeping on the dog pile

Iris in HER favorite chair

Meatball in HER favorite chair 

Side note: I took my all of my suits for dry cleaning in on Saturday morning under the assumption that it would be done by Saturday evening...I was wrong. I am now wearing the most uncomfortable pants known to man that I had to dig out of the back of my closet and had forgotten I even owned in the first place. They waist is actually at my bellybutton (a style definitely thought up by someone in the 1980's) and I look forward to donating these to Goodwill at some point in the near future.  Luckily with a shirt to cover the high waist, they don't look that bad to other people, I've actually gotten some complements, however, I'm wearing jeans the next time this happens and hoping I don't get fired.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The man in the moon is out to get me!!!

I love the moon, the man in the moon, the full moon and astrology in general. I love a starry night out here in the desert and I also love, love, love Starry Night the painting by Vincent Van Gogh, it has to be my favorite painting of all time. And I remember reading a story once about how women used to have their menstrual cycles with the cycles of the full moon. Maybe it was a movie, I don't know, but I found out more here that about 1/3 of women cycle in lunar phases at 29.5 days per cycle, more women than should be expected given random distribution. Given what's been going on without me knowing it, I'm not sure I love the moon as much anymore.

I chart my BBT, period, sex and many other things on ipad in a program called pink pad. It has its positives and negatives. I don't like that I can't print the graphs it creates, but I can easily access it to enter the numbers and such and don't have to go to the computer to do so (I'm a mess with papers too so I couldn't handle keeping a paper chart). What I realized today is that it also shows when there is a full moon and the stages right around a full moon. When I look back over the last few cycles and into the future into the predicted cycles, I realized that sure enough I cycle with the full moon!!! It made me wonder how long this has been going on, my cycle length varies by a few days and so does the full moon.

I remembered from that story/movie that you had to spend a lot of time cave woman style...for this to happen. I'm not really the camping kind of gal and in general, I'm not outside all that often so I'm not sure what's going on and why the man in the moon is out to get me.

Since I'm not really sure how this is happening (but I want to prevent AF at all costs (really I just want to be pregnant, not actually stop my period)) Whom of you can I recruit to help me shoot down the moon???????

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I think I've been here before...I remember that tree...

 ----Insert wavy hand motions that take you back to the past----

It was seventh grade and my parents were in Japan so my grandparents were watching me and my brother and sister. I went to school like it was any other day. At lunch time, a classmate made me aware of the fact that AF had come (this was not her first appearance, just early on in her career) and was coating the backside of my khaki uniform pants. She only mentioned it AFTER I had walked all they way to the back of the lunchroom to sit down. After putting on a show for the entire school, I had to call my grandfather and explain over the phone what had happened so that someone could come get me.

----Insert wavy hand motions that take you back to the present----

I'm giving a presentation today to 4th graders on the dangers of loud sounds and how we must protect our ears and our hearing. In the middle of the presentation, I realize something is going on down below. I have to leave the presentation and ask the school nurse to use the staff restroom and need to get supplies from her. As this is an elementary school, she doesn't have said supplies for the students but has to ask another staff member who has to ask someone else and so on until the appropriate accouterments could be located. The fantastic part of this all is that I have to go back next week to the same school to talk to the third graders.

I really thought I'd outgrew AF embarrassment...guess not!!!

I really hope this type of shit happens to other people and not just to me. But I guess I bring it on myself.

I put off purchasing monthly sanitary supplies on the off chance that I will not need them for the next 9 months. Then I find that at the last possible second I must dig to the bottom of my purse in a public restroom to find the last remaining tampon with a half torn wrapper to use and hope like hell that I can make it by on that one because I won't be home/back to the office/able to make it to the store to buy more before I need another.  

Side note: I think Sunday evening's "problem" was a result of Saturday evening's gumbo (In case she reads this, thanks Jessica for the side effects wonderful meal).

Second side note: Other people's notes about how they get antibiotics and pain killers for their upcoming HSGs are starting to freak me out. I've been offered no such advise/accomodations from Doc and am starting to get a little panicky.

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Not so fun possible early pregnancy signs?!?!

I googled it over and over, but can anyone definitively tell me if diarrhea is an early sign of pregnancy?

Between last weekend and today, either I'm pregnant, have food poisoning, or am dying...I mean...good lord!

Tomorrow or the next day is to be CD1. Ladies, Please keep everything crossed for us...that is, of course, everything but your legs!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Better Late than Never!

Sorry this is a long post, but I hope this is Better Late than Never!

A few days/weeks ago my blog was nominated for a few awards. Because I am in many ways a slacker, I've put of actually acknowledging and thanking those who nominated me. 

Thank you Josie at My Cheap Version of Therapy

Thank you Bridget at The Lost Stork

Thank you Amanda at Our Fertility Journey

For the these awards

I appreciate that you read my blog and comment let alone thought of me to give an award to. There are rules to accepting this award....but I'm not one to follow the rules!

I am to list 7 things about myself. I don't know that I'm really all that interesting, but since you don't know that much about my daily life I'm sure I can come up with a few things. So, beside what you know about me and my infertility...lets no particular order:

I HATE the gym and sometimes lie to H about going because he is a personal trainer and believes that exercising should be an integral part of a person's daily activities. Blah! I'll go when I want to or when he makes me but if I can get out of it, I will.

I am a Doctor of Audiology. I went to school FOREVER to earn this degree (and went to the #1 ranked school for it), but I LOVE what I do. I sell and fit hearing aids on people from birth to age 100+. It feels fantastic when you can solve major problems for adults or be an integral part of how infants and children develop spoken language and social interactions.  I also love to teach and have 3 interns I supervise (I secretly consider going back to school to get my PhD too, but can't stand the thought of having to return to school for another 3 or 4 years and prefer patient interaction to doing research)

We have 5 dogs...yes you read correctly, 5 dogs. They are my babies. We might be over compensating for not having children, but it's not our fault. He had 2 when we met and I had 2 when we met. So we decided, what's one more when you already have 4. And then when my favorite dog died unexpectedly we got another so we were back up to 5.

 This is Kush.

He belonged to H before we met and was purchased from a local breeder as a puppy. He is about 3 years old now.

He is also known as: Dush, Dushinstein,  and Cushion

He is a Shih Tzu and although he should weigh about 12 pounds, he's oversized but not fat and weighs close to 20 pounds

 This is Mattie.

She is a rescue we've had for almost a year, we got her Valentine's day 2010 and drove all the way to Tucson, AZ to get her. She is also known as Meatball or Meats because she was so round and fat when we got her.

She is a beagle, but has blue ticking so people always think she is a mix.

She was at the rescue for more than a year before we got her because she was considered "special needs" all because she had to take a daily pill for her Thyroid.

 This is Blue.

Also known as Doodle-Doo or just The Doo. He was H's also gotten from a local breeder purchased before H and I met but picked up after we'd been dating for a month or so (cause we needed a forth at the time, right?!?!).

He's the baby and is treated as such because he's the smallest at just 9 pounds. He too will be 3 this summer and is just a few months younger than Kush. 

He's also a Shih Tzu but anther rare color: Chocolate.

 This is Finnley.

AKA Finn or Finnerson. He's mine and I've had him for almost 5 years. He's almost 6 now, but is also a rescue (got him while in Iowa for grad school) and it's hard to know his age for sure.

He too is a blue tick beagle which confuses people. He looks like a long-legged Dachshund.

Although I pretend it's not so, he's my favorite for many reasons, but he and H don't get along because Finn favors me.

 This is Iris.

She has also been known as the Iverson or McIverson. She is about 3 but is a local rescue and her true age is unknown (A lady never reveals her true age)

We think she is a Golden Retriever/Yellow Lab mix. You couldn't get much sweeter than that!!

She is super duper scared of loud sounds and goes bananas when there are sonic booms which happen daily as we are 20 miles from an airforce base that houses tons of jets.

Our kids are going to get screwed into some horrible nicknames (we're either not creative or too creative I'm not sure which)

As for the second rule: I'm supposed to nominate some new blogs that I love. Instead, I'm going to recommend that anyone who reads my blog subscribe to LFCA and check in on those who start new blogs each week. We all need support and those who are new typically need it most.

Thanks to all of you who read this whole post!

Side note: I hate winter, that's why I live in NM. However, we've had freezing temperatures below 0 degrees Fahrenheit the last week and were part of the State of New Mexico that was considered a State of Emergency due to a natural gas shortage. We had no heat for 3 days!!!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

At what point are you officially infertile?...

...Because we are officially not one of the 85% of couples TTC who get pregnant in the first year.

Tonight I had this nervous panicky feeling that I really am infertile. I'm in my TWW and feel no different than I ever have before. (I did, however, have the worst stomachache of my life yesterday, but it only lasted about two hours). I feel like I will see AF in another week.

I've held out hope until now that I'm not truly infertile. I thought that we were just unlucky, that we were doing it wrong, that I could just relax and it would happen, that I could think/hope/wish it away. I thought that I was smarter than other people, that I could read all the books and make it happen. I could track my BBT, drink red raspberry tea, do acupuncture, take herbal medicines, use pre-seed, use a menstrual cup...etc...and I would be pregnant. But

I've read some fantastic blogs about honest, funny, strong, loving women who just want to be mothers and I waited to start a blog until I felt like one of them. Yet still I felt like a fraud when I started this blog at the beginning of this year.  I felt like an outsider that wanted to be a part of something...just incase I was infertile. This is a team that I don't want to be a part of. I want to stand on the sidelines and watch the game and cheer the other girls on. I still feel like I'm second string, just waiting to be called onto the field as a true infertile, but desperately hoping I get cut from the team.

What happens if I become pregnant in the next month or two? Am I then a fake infertile? I will never say it was easy. I will never say it happened right away. But will I be kicked out of this club if it happens in the next month or two? If I don't require medical treatment to conceive?

Side note: I have my blood work tomorrow? No one should have to get up in the morning before the sun rises.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I could have told you that!!

I've seen him before, he has been my Gyno for about 2.5 years now but this just occured to me yesterday at my appointment.

My doctor slightly resembles Elmer Fudd.

Really he just looks like the kind of older doc you'd walk up to, put your arm around his shoulder and say "What's up Doc".  He should be retired and only works one day a week, but at one of my earlier appointments he told me that his brother helped to create the cardiac bypass surgery. I assume he is smart too because of his association with his brother and therefore I am willing to "place all of my eggs in his basket" so to speak.

My appointment with Elmer Fudd Doc yesterday was productive and unproductive at the same time.

Apparently we have "unexplained infertility"....well, duh, I could have told you that.

H's SA results came in yesterday morning and with a little convincing (OK, I outright lied and used the fact that I have a doctorate and can legally write Dr. in front of my name to my advantage) and got the VA to send his results directly to me. I hand carried them to my appointment. Surprisingly, they look good although the overall count was missing from the results the rest of the info looked good.

Doc says I "look like [I] ovulate". I take that to mean both that I have a soft, high, open cervix and by the looks of my BBT. Also, he did the secondary SA I talked to you guys previously about. Turns out (I googled this too just to check) it is a real thing. It's actually called a post coital test. You have sex 6-10 hours before your appointment. Doc set me up like for a pap smear and took a syringe and sampled my cervical mucus. He then literally ran down the hallway to a microscope to look at the sample. There were several sperm in many areas of the sample he looked at. I guess this determines if my cervical mucus supports sperm vitality. Mine does...yippee...why aren't we pregnant then?

Doc wanted to wait 3 more months "just to see" if it happens.

I said "not a chance".

We are moving forward now and assuming I won't get pregnant between now and then.

I have blood work in a week to check, insulin, thyroid, FHS progesterone, estrogen and probably a few other things but I stopped listening.

I also have an HSG if I get my period in 2 weeks. The HSG has to be booked in between my period and when I ovulate so as to avoid pushing endometrium or an embryo out my fallopian tubes and into my abdomen.

Side note: Massive problem avoided though when scheduling my HSG, I realized as I was booking the appointment that the local radiologist is one of my patients. I don't need one of my patients looking at my hooha. I will be scheduled with the other radiologist or the technician.

Second Side note: holy freaking snow Batman!!!! It is snowing in New Mexico, I had to use my coat sleeve to brush 3-4 inches off my car just to be able to get home.