Tuesday, January 25, 2011

H's first Sperm Analysis

Sorry this post is so long...I just thought that this was borderline ridiculous...tell me what you think.

I'm pretty sure I was more worried about this than he ever was.

Yesterday H drove the 100+ miles to the VA clinic to pick up his collection container. Yes...they made him drive that whole way just to pick it up so that he could drive back today to drop it back off even though they knew damn well all along that he would be coming back to provide his specimin on site. It's too far to do the job at home and then transport it in, there is no way he'd make it in an hour. They said there was a room available there for the men to use if needed...I'm not sure what I imagined, but the actuality proved much different than expected...I got a full report when I got home tonight.

H left this morning at 5 so that he could make it to the clinic and back before class. He managed to set one of the dogs barking so that I had to get up...but that is a different story for a different time. He arrived at the clinic at 7, waited to be called until 7:40 only to be told that the "room" he was to use was around the corner. He was directed to the bathroom...yes, the bathroom. Where by that point there were 4-5 other men waiting to use "the facility". H's best guess is that most were providing urine samples...but some seemed to take longer than most.

After some online research, H was happy that I made some recommendations the evening before. I advised that he bring his own literature so that he didn't have to flip through those that would be provided and guess at what unknown substances may cover their pages. Lukily he did because there was none provided and H took his discretely in a non-discript blue folder resembling something that might carry medical files. I also recommended he take some of the pre-seed to use for lubricant which he transported to the clinic his coat pocket...I know what you are thinking...Stop right there...H refused to go if he couldn't use lubricant. After (again) googling the shit out of it, pre-seed seemed to be the best option and I advised H's using whatever method he deemed fit to get the job done.

Now I would think that having several men before you and waiting outside the door to complete after you...and likely knowing exactly what you were doing in there, the pressure would be on. However, H said the deed was happily done in a matter of a few minutes and the audience outside the door was none the wiser. He placed his sample in the paperbag he had been provided at the pick up and took it back to the lab desk.

He then completed the homework assignment I had given him and asked the required question of when the results would be ready. They had asked several times if this was post-vassectomy (obviously a more common procedure at the VA) and didn't seem to understand his urgency...that I had an appointment next week. They told him it would take 3 to 14 days or more...WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!! could they have possibly been more vague?!?!?!?!

I had initially called my doctor's office to move my appointment, but now think that maybe I keep it. My doc's office hasn't called back yet. I'm assuming he will still want to do blood work and maybe some other crap, but I'm not sure. I do know that he wants to go over my BBT charts, but am unsure of what exactly else will happen. Any opinions? Should I keep the appointment? I do ovulate that day, and I want him to check the scarring on my cervix. I want him to see if he thinks it is high, soft and open as it should be.


  1. oh wow, that sounds ridiculous for him to have to use the bathroom. Glad it went well with that pressure and all ;)
    For us it took one week to get those results back. If they have given you that date for a check-up on specific things, maybe you should keep it. Or call them for advice.

  2. The bathroom?? Poor guy! I would keep the appointment an dask all the questions you have and make another one if your results aren't back yet.

  3. I gave you an award- come over and check it out!

  4. that's just crazy. I find healthcare workers can become de-sensitized after a while, and forgot how stressful this process can be for couples. I'm glad it all went well though, and he wasn't affected ;)

    I would stick to your original appointment. Might as well get things going...

  5. Cattiz-I hope I get his results back in a week

    Bridget-I decided to keep the appointment. The nurse called back and said I should keep it and could get any tests I need ordered. Thanks for the award, I'll hopefully get to it in my next post

    Amanda-I'm not sure the woman at the desk was aware of our situation at all. My best guess is that the average age of most of the patients they see is around 70 years old


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