...Because we are officially not one of the 85% of couples TTC who get pregnant in the first year.
Tonight I had this nervous panicky feeling that I really am infertile. I'm in my TWW and feel no different than I ever have before. (I did, however, have the worst stomachache of my life yesterday, but it only lasted about two hours). I feel like I will see AF in another week.
I've held out hope until now that I'm not truly infertile. I thought that we were just unlucky, that we were doing it wrong, that I could just relax and it would happen, that I could think/hope/wish it away. I thought that I was smarter than other people, that I could read all the books and make it happen. I could track my BBT, drink red raspberry tea, do acupuncture, take herbal medicines, use pre-seed, use a menstrual cup...etc...and I would be pregnant. But nothing...nada...zippo...
I've read some fantastic blogs about honest, funny, strong, loving women who just want to be mothers and I waited to start a blog until I felt like one of them. Yet still I felt like a fraud when I started this blog at the beginning of this year. I felt like an outsider that wanted to be a part of something...just incase I was infertile. This is a team that I don't want to be a part of. I want to stand on the sidelines and watch the game and cheer the other girls on. I still feel like I'm second string, just waiting to be called onto the field as a true infertile, but desperately hoping I get cut from the team.
What happens if I become pregnant in the next month or two? Am I then a fake infertile? I will never say it was easy. I will never say it happened right away. But will I be kicked out of this club if it happens in the next month or two? If I don't require medical treatment to conceive?
Side note: I have my blood work tomorrow? No one should have to get up in the morning before the sun rises.