Re-qualifying

So, what did you do this weekend?

I've now attended 2 Halloween parties and tonight is finally Halloween. I feel like I've adequately milked this holiday this year for all that it is worth. Because October is my favorite month and I love fall, I do get into Halloween. I typically make my own Halloween costume, so here is this year's costume (H played along too) but we didn't win the costume contest. A co-worker's daughter was the cutest little bride you've ever seen and she won hands down.

Get it?!?!? I'm a cupcake and he's the baker

 On Sunday, we went to re-qualify for our concealed carry license. H thought that I wouldn't make the cut as I haven't been to the shooting range in over a year. We went to the range to practice on Saturday and I couldn't hit the broadside of a barn. I was a little nervous on Sunday but then when we went to the class (for a 15 minute refresher) I knew all the answers to the test questions. And when we shot, we were much closer to the target then H had me practicing at. We expressed our concern to the teacher, prior to my shooting, that we didn't think I'd re-qualify. After I shot, he said "I wouldn't want to break into your house!"

We shot from two distances, the line by my elbow and the line by my knees

I punched a hole through the target!!!!

So...That's what I've been up to lately.

Otherwise, I'm just still in the middle of the 2ww.

Random thoughts during the 2ww

Sorry in advance, the following is just a bunch of nonsense, but it is a great distraction from the 2ww.

Today is 5 dpo and holding.

I'm no English major. In fact, my spelling isn't that great. I had a horrible time in grade school learning to spell. I would memorize the words for the spelling test, then promptly forget everything I had memorized because I didn't actually "learn" the words.

Given all of this, I still think that soo should be a word.

When I write/type, my brain wants to write the word soo in the same context of writing the word too.

The definition of to is:

Preposition:	Expressing motion in the direction of (a particular location): "my first visit to Africa".
Infinitive marker:	Used with the base form of a verb to indicate that the verb is in the infinitive, in particular.
Adverb:	So as to be closed or nearly closed: "he pulled the door to behind him

The definition of too is:

Adverb:

1. To a higher degree than is desirable, permissible, or possible; excessively: "he was driving too fast".
2. Very: "you're too kind".

The definition of so is twofold:

Adverb:	To such a great extent: "the words tumbled out so fast that I could barely hear them".
Conjunction:	And for this reason; therefore: "it hurt, so I went to see a specialist".

So, in conclusion, there should be a form of so written as soo as in:

"It's soo hot out today!"

"Those shoes are soo cute!"

"She is soo pregnant!"

Sorry again, my brain...it wanders

I might be losing my mind

I think that this two week wait is harder than any before because of the possibility of me actually being pregnant. But at the same time it's easier because of that actual possibility.

Either way, my mind is constantly consumed with the thoughts Am I or Am I Not?!?!?!?!

It keeps me from functioning normally. As I was leaving work yesterday, I stopped at the fridge in the break room to pick up my lunch that I hadn't eaten so that I could take it home. I already had my car keys in hand. So after I closed the fridge door, I kept pressing the lock on my car keys...like the fridge was actually going to lock...I didn't realize it but I was waiting for the fridge to either beep or flash it's headlights at me.

Am I losing it or what?

Happy belated ICLW!

Sorry for the delay in posting my initial ICLW welcome and info. Thank you to all of you who decided to stop by my little corner of the world (or blogosphere really). This is only my second ICLW, but I love the comradery that comes with blogging and commenting, so please leave me a note if you stopped by and I will be sure to follow the link and check out your place.

See the timeline above for nitty gritty details, but here is the gist...

Us: Married 2 years, TTC for 21 months, no pregnancies, no miscarriages

Me: Hypothyroid with slightly varied cycle length but regular ovulation

Him: Poor SA results in almost all categories likely due to varicocele, Varicocele repair 10/6/2011

Where are we now: Second IUI TODAY!!!! This time with clomid.


To my regular readers and those who are stopping in who want a real update,

I was able to get the IUI today and overall it went off without a hitch. Although, as usual there were a few hiccups (exactly as you would expect from my clinic). I feel like I shouldn't complain, as ultimately it all went well, but I'll leave it up to you guys to see what you think. Lulu wasn't at the clinic when we arrived at 11:55 for our 12:00 appointment to drop off the semen (and the clinic wasn't opening for anyone but me, so there was no one else there either). I had H call her on her personal cell and she acted like it was our fault for arriving early. Then, she was upset that H had to do the deed to produce his sample there in the clinic although this is what we did last time AND it is the only way she told us she would allow for us (we live an hour away and can not get here within the 30 minute deadline for drop off). When we came back an hour later for the actual IUI, at 12:55 for a 1:00 procedure, we waited until 1:00 in the waiting room (there was no receptionist or anyone else there). At 1:00, H demanded that I venture back towards Lulu's office to see what was up. She heard me coming down the hall and shouted to me from her office to have a seat in the waiting room and she would call me back when everything was ready. It wasn't but 2 minutes later that she came out all smiles and happy and took me to the room. I stripped and laid on the table and waited for her. She did the IUI with ease (and significantly less pain than last time, but still not pain-free) and then proceeded to stay in the room. She told us that she had scheduled us the way she had because her nephews 11th birthdays were today and she had to be at the party by 2:00 (Why she would cut it so close? I don't know.). I found this unusual and was a little peeved that I couldn't lay there and listen to my circle & bloom, but did get to ask a few questions, here are the answers.

Yes, it does look like I'm ovulating today, lots of cervical mucus and cervix was open and she doesn't expect as much bleeding as last time.

Yes, H's sample does look significantly better than last time, in fact it looked great (YIPPE YAY YAY YAY).

Yes, she is pissed that I couldn't come in for an ultrasound.

No, she won't allow me to have another unmonitored cycle.

Yes, she does feel that our odds are very good at getting our BFP this cycle, but if so, we should prepare ourselves for the possibility of twins.

Yes, she wants us to do an HPT and will order bloodwork if it is positive.

Yes, she plans to prescribe progesterone after a positive HPT to help prevent miscarriage (no, she doesn't ever prescribe it for the 2WW)

And that's all she wrote folks!!!!

Well good morning...

...Mr. Positive OPK!

It's all about timing...

Ok, so let have everyone hoping/wishing/praying that my LH does not surge this afternoon or tonight. I have to work tomorrow from 7 AM to 7 PM. There is no getting out of it and also H is out of town.

So everyone...altogether now...wish/hope/pray for a Friday LH surge with a Saturday IUI.

I know it will happen soon, my ovaries feel full, it feels strange sitting down. My waistband rubs my belly funny and it just feels different inside and out. 

While you're wishing/hoping/praying, if you could also wish/hope/pray for successful implantation/betas/heartbeat etc. etc. etc. that would be fantastic too!!!

However, let's not be overzealous with all this wishing/hoping/praying. I'd like one or two to implant if you please, but for sure, definitely not more than 3!

Side note: If I show up for an IUI and it gets cancelled because there was a possible over-response and no U/S, I'm going to have to rip someone's head off! Don't worry, it won't be one of you...but I'm sure you'll get to hear all about it.

Should it be this hard?

I'm having difficulty with my clinic...again.

I was told that I could try clomid this cycle (After I sort of pushed the issue) to make sure that I could have an IUI this month. 

You see, my clinic gives me two choices:

1. Detect natural LH surge with OPKs and call in and they will do an IUI 24 hours later.

2. Have a follicle study done around expected ovulation, have a trigger shot after the scan as long as at least one follicle is larger than 18mm and an IUI done 24 hours later

My CNP, Lulu, and I decided that choice #2 was the best choice as I can not get out of work without at least 2 weeks notice. This way I could come for the scan, have them administer the trigger and have the IUI done the next day. I could take two half days in a row and let the office know 2 weeks in advance (the day AF started). Because I ovulate regularly, we figured that I would always have at least one follicle ready. Then my cycle threw a curve ball last month, it obviously affected our plan when I had nothing larger than 10mm on CD13. I did end up ovulating a few days later, but couldn't get out of work to have the IUI done. Call it stress...Call it bad luck...I don't know what happened.

Then this month we are having a problem again. I insisted on clomid for this cycle to make sure that I would have a chance of ovulating according to schedule. I take my last pill tonight. I was told that would be fine, but because I already ovulate we are worried about multiple follicles. I was told that we could not have sex after CD10 due to the high risk of multiples. But when I called to schedule my appointments last week when AF started, I informed the medical assistant that there is no way that I can come in this coming Friday due to work and asked if we could work out something creative, like a Thursday + Saturday type thing.

After playing phone tag a few times with the MA as the go between Lulu and I, this is what I was told: I am to call when I detect an LH surge via OPK to schedule the IUI 24 hours later and if that happens on Thursday for a Friday IUI, we will not be able to have the IUI.

I was not given the option of a 36 hour delay for IUI and I was told that they do not allow their patients to administer HCG at home.

So...are we no longer worried about multiple follicles?

Are we allowed to have sex regardless of the risk?

Am I going to show up to the IUI and have Lulu look at my chart only to cancel the procedure last minute?

What if the OPK is positive on Thursday, do I lie and tell them it was Friday so they do a Saturday morning IUI?

Do I call and ask to speak to Lulu directly? 

I don't know what to do! This just seems so much harder for me than for the rest of you!

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day

I'm staying in a hotel room in Phoenix this weekend for some training and unfortunately I couldn't light a candle in remembrance of your babies. You, my friends, here who make sure that I'm ok and check in on me once in a while even though I've had it easy by comparison to many of you.

I am remembering your lost babies with you and for you tonight and always.

Sushi Experiments

So after some of your suggestions, I decided upon what to do for our anniversary last night.

I embarked on a homemade Sushi Experiment. California rolls only, no raw seafood experiments at home!!!

After work, I ran over to a local Asian food store and picked up the nori (seaweed), daikon (pickled radishes), sushi rice and rice vinegar. Then I went to the regular grocery store across the street to get avocados, sesame seeds and soy sauce. Then I had to go to Walmar.t to get the imitation crab meat. I already had cucumbers and carrots (which I didn't use) at home. 

After a little running around, I ended up with a few more ingredients than I expected. I probably spent about $30 but have enough nori for many future sushi experiments.

The bag with the yellow circles is the pickled radishes, I was told by the lady at the store that they are necessary

After cooking the rice, chopping the veggies and some experimentation with assembly, I came up with some pretty good rolls. They look pretty professional to me.

This was roll number 4, I brought it to work today

After dinner, H had to do homework. So I hung out on the couch with the dogs.

We did decide that we are going to frame one of our wedding pictures (finally) as our gift to each other. Also, H decided that he needs a new gun...whatever.


On the TTC front, I am trying to schedule my next follicle scan and IUI, I am having trouble doing so because of the whole 24 time difference thing that is required between HCG trigger and IUI and not being able to get out of work next Friday. I am waiting to hear back to see if they can come up with some creative solutions for me such...oh, well, I don't know...maybe the typical 36 hour waiting period with an ultrasound on Thursday, an at home injection and a Saturday IUI.

Meanwhile, today I have received a call from the local "Creepy" doc that their IUI kits finally came in. I am considering going to him for the next few IUIs if I stimulate properly from clomid. That way he is in town and convenient (sort of). However, they do NOT do follicle scans and I sort of want to see how I respond to clomid before just jumping into the possibility of triplets.

Call it close...but we're going for it

I started spotting today.

No need to test tomorrow morning. 

No surprise positive on a natural cycle.

I'm not upset though, I'm ready to move on to IUI #2 and have been since I found out I failed to ovulate on time. Because I started cramping last night, I couldn't fall asleep because I didn't know what to do and I didn't want to have a fight with H. I eventually fell asleep and we had the discussion today instead of when we were both half asleep.

H thinks we should have a break cycle this cycle. He thinks we should give him a little longer to heal and a little while to see results from his varicocelectomy.

I disagree.

I think we should go for it for several reasons. And because I love bullets points:

• I am impatient and becoming more and more so everyday, I don't want to wait anymore, this will be cycle number 22 since we started TTC
• I have met my deductible on my insurance and am getting closer and closer to our out of pocket (the IUI itself isn't covered, but the rest of the appointments and fees are).
• H will be out of the 2 week mandatory recovery period on sex and masturbation
• H only has a 70% chance of seeing any improvement in his numbers with this surgery anyway so waiting isn't necessarily going to improve our odds
• I'm going to take clomid this cycle and if I overstimulate, we would lose out on this month anyway

I have more points than him, so even if they aren't necessarily better points...I still win. We're going for it!!! I'll fill my prescription for clomid tomorrow and start it on Tuesday, CD3.

Side note: October is our month. We got engaged 3 years ago on October 1, 2008. We were married 2 years ago on October 10, 2009. It occurred to me the other day, that if we had gotten pregnant the first cycle (we just finished cycle 21) we could have a one year old this month....sad. Maybe we will get pregnant during October. That's part of the reason I'm so eager and I think it's the "straw that broke the camel's back" in convincing H that we should go for it this month.

Help!...Anniversary...What to do?

So...Monday is H and I's 2nd wedding anniversary.

I was hoping to have some good news to give him by way of a positive pregnancy test, but as that is unlikely given the outcome of all of my last 20 cycles, I think I'll have to come up with something else. (I'm waiting until Monday morning to test)

He is still recovering from his varicocelectomy and really sort of home bound. On that note, as far as we know, things went well. We won't know the true outcome for several months. He is more comfortable than he has been for many of his previous surgeries, but still in a bit of pain and can't find a good position to rest in.

The surgery required an incision about 3.5 inches on his left side, right where his leg meets his torso. Then the surgeon goes through his abdominal wall down into the scrotum and ties off/removes the enlarged veins. In H's case, they also checked for an inguinal hernia that we have suspected for awhile but found nothing. The procedure took about a half hour. H's dad did come down from Colorado to accompany him to the surgery and bring him home. He stayed for 2 days and was a huge help with H. 


Back to our anniversary...

I know he has nothing planned for us (he's not really able to keep secrets) but I feel like we should celebrate in some small way. For our 1 year, I made us dinner at home (which I typically do anyway) and we enjoyed, sort of, the defrosted topper of our wedding cake. I need some help on this one, any ideas are greatly appreciated...I really have none of my own ideas for this. Please keep in mind the following:

1. He might be able to leave the house for a short period of time, unless something changes drastically between now and then, but nothing that involves extended standing (reclining is his favorite position right now)
2. All action "down there" is strictly forbidden, and entirely undesirable to H.

Really, any sweet simple ideas would be appreciated.

What did/do you do for your wedding anniversary early on in your marriage?

Done and done

Seminar/presentation is over.

H is out of surgery.

The outcome of both is yet to be determined.

Sent from my iPhone