I always thought people were exaggerating when they said that the first few weeks of pregnancy were more stressful than the 2ww. I was wrong.
The odds of miscarriage are still looming in the back of my head and these thoughts bubble to the surface every time I think about how long I have to wait until an ultrasound. Finding out early that you are pregnant is not all it's cracked up to be. If I hadn't had a blood test last week, today would have been the first time I would have pulled out a pee stick and actually tested on a natural (or any other) cycle. Today I am 12dp5dt or 17 dpo, my longest and most frequent luteal phase is around 16 days. I would have just found out today that it was positive, I would not have had this last week knowing and would just be getting blood tests done this week.
But instead, I know. I know that it is positive, I have for a week. It is the greatest news I've ever had to share, and only a handful of people know. (The husband spilled his guts to his best friends this weekend, he doesn't have siblings, so I guess its fair). This handful of people have also been told that things could go south at any time. The husband has agreed to the responsibility of sharing any bad news from this point out.
I traveled for work again this weekend. I went to Orlando, Florida for the launch of a new hearing aid. We didn't go to Disney. Instead, we stayed at the Rit.z Carlton and had class all day. These trainings aren't all they are cracked up to be either. We go someplace warm(er than where I live), an fantastic hotel with the best service I've ever had, that has several pools, lakes and walking trails, and I spend 3 days inside a conference room. My husband still thinks of it as a vacation, although he has been with me and knows I don't get to enjoy my surroundings.
This means I got to travel with meds again. It wasn't so bad. I've developed a system. Double bag ice from the freezer and throw it into my lunch box with the refrigerated meds. Drive to the airport, get my boarding pass, right before security, dump the ice in the sink in the bathroom, go through security (opt out of the x-ray because "like hell" I'm going to go through that and risk all the money and good fortune we've recently had, so I get the government issued massage in the form of a pat down), collect all my belongings (which include syringes and needles which no one blinks an eye at!) go to a restaurant/store and ask then to give me a cup of ice and re-fill my bag. If I have a layover, I dump and refill at that airport. Then I get to do the reverse on the way back. This time, however, they brought me a mini fridge for my room so that I didn't have to deal with cooling the stuff in an ice bucket.
I did have to enlist a co-worker to give me my progesterone shots. I tried before I left to give it to myself and when I aspirated the needle, there was blood. Whether I actually hit a vein or just jostled the needle so much I started to bleed, I don't know, but again, I'm not risking anything. I have two graduate students who work at our practice (both female) and they really wanted to help out with this process. They want to "help" make me a baby. They know we went for IVF (the practice is too small for me to leave for 2 weeks without them knowing). However, they think that we are doing an FET in a few months and that the progesterone shots are part of that process. I haven't told them or my boss the good news yet. I hope to wait until 12 weeks to let them know, but I'm the main provider at the practice and they have to prep for my maternity leave [sending out vibes to the universe that we make it that far] The only person at work who knows is our PA. She is TTC too and knows all about where we are at and what exactly I did in Las Vegas. She is the one who had pre-term labor in 2011 and at 24 weeks her baby didn't make it. I posted her story here, but am too lazy to link to it. She is a good friend and I felt she had the right to know as soon as we found out, for personal reasons and sort of for safety at work. She was very happy for us. As she is approaching 40 years old, I hope she considers going to Las Vegas too.
So as I sit here and wait impatiently for the ultrasound (March 13) to arrive so that we can have a look inside and see if all is well, I count down the days (17 to be exact). I hope to relay some of the things that I encountered during this IVF process that will keep all of our minds busy.
Phew, it's a total mind fuck for sure, but hang in there, it will all be worth it!! I'm glad you've figured out a system for traveling with the meds too!
ReplyDeleteThe first few weeks are so tough!
ReplyDeleteA few tips for traveling if you need to do it again, you are actually allowed to take ice packs though security to keep meds (or breast milk/formula in the future) cold. Just put your cooler through the xray on it's own. I had to do this once, and left it in my carry on. They pulled me aside to look in my luggage, and said to keep it out on it's own in the future.
Also, I flew several times in the beginning of my pregnancy. I said "I opt out" one time when they were sending my through the big xray machine. The woman looked at me and asked if I was pregnant. She then said "I didn't hear that..." and sent me through the regular metal detector. I took that as a hint that I should say "I'm pregnant!" instead of I opt out. Never once did I need a pat down. They always let me through the metal detector. If you are traveling with uninformed coworkers, this is a bit trickier, of course.
You know I'm thinking about you all the time. I fear for everyone when they find out they are pregnant - its the only thing I know how to do but I am trying my damndest (uh..sp?!?) to remain positive that this is IT!!!!!
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It's funny how it changes when you are put in a situation yourself, like this wait between positive and first scan. It is hard, because it's still so abstract and you have waited so long and worked so hard for it. I'll keep my fingers crossed!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Sending good thoughts your way.
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