Tuesday, August 2, 2011

What if...?

 I ask H all the time, "what if...?" and then fill in the blank.

During the 2ww "What if I'm pregnant?" "What if I'm not pregnant?'

When I'm feeling particularly positive "What if we have twins? triplets?"

When I'm feeling particularly negative "What if we can't have a biological child?"

When I feel like starting an argument "What if we have to adopt?"

I can pretty much predict the answer to the last one, although the answer to the others sometimes varies.

If I spoke this way I'd say "It isn't in his heart to adopt." But the reality is that he doesn't want to and sort of feels like it is like raising someone else's child. It's more complicated than that but that's the basic premise.

I, however, have known for years that I wanted to adopt. There was a family whose children all when to the same school as me through junior high and high school. Their dad was a local doctor and mom was a homemaker. Their parents and my parents became friends so they brought them over to our house when we first moved to town. I found it unusual that their younger brother didn't really look like them or their parents (he was asian and they were white), but I knew it would be inappropriate to ask more about it (I was 12 and old enough to know better). So I just let it go and thought it was a fluke that he didn't look like them. They then went on to adopt 3 more little girls. When I figured it out over the years, I just thought it was the coolest thing. I thought, "if I become a doctor I can adopt too." I must have known even then that IF was expensive.

Over the years, that idea sort of stuck with me. Then when I didn't really date that much in high school, college or graduate school, I thought that it might be the way it actually worked out, that I would be a single parent who adopted a child (or children). This especially seemed to be the case when I earned my doctorate as many of the professors at my university had done just this.

H and I probably should have talked about adoption more when we first got together, but then when we did get married, I never really thought it would come to that. H rolled his eyes when he asked why I became a doctor and I gave possible adoption to him as an answer. Granted we are still a long way from that right now, but I wish it were something that he would be willing to at least consider, or at the very least talk about.

Side note: this might all be coming from the side of me that is starting to panic a little about our upcoming appointment.

Second Side note: the fire in the mountains near town it now out, it burned for just under 24 hours and spread over about 75 acres. You can see more here. It burned the breast of the sleeping lady (if you follow the link, you can see her profile just to the left of where the fire is).


  1. I wouldn't stress about your hubby's reaction to the option of adoption at this point. Thoughts and opinions can change greatly in the blink of an eye.

    Glad the fire didn't hit your back yard at least!

  2. I know a couple of people who have adopted and love those kids like they are their own (and the do have kids of their own too) maybe he just needs time to get used to the idea?

  3. I so recognize this, I have also had the idea of adoption or fostering even if I could have my own kids naturally. Oh well, maybe I 'knew' or something.

    It's not easy starting to talk about this when there are so different feelings about it. You have to get used to the idea if it's not there from the start.

    Sorry about the result from the SA, not easy to deal with. If it would come to it there are other options before adoption, but that you know already right!


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