Ms. Suzie Homemaker Wannabe

Sometimes...I wish I were a stay at home mom. My mom was, why wouldn't I be?

I'm crafty and creative. I like to cook, clean, sew, garden, knit. I could do it! I would be good at it!

Well, my parents had bigger dreams for me. There was never any question that I would go to college. They didn't go to college, but for sure I would. Then, in college, I picked a career that I knew full well would require graduate school. I didn't study particularly hard, it was just sort of easy for me. Don't get me wrong, I was in a sorority, I partied, got drunk, skipped classes, etc, etc etc, but it was the normal college stuff. I also worked several jobs, took leadership roles in my sorority, volunteered, went to the library, and made good contacts with my professors. Then I got into the best graduate school in the nation for the field I was studying, by what I can only assume was sort of luck (ok ok ok, I do test well and I did get good grades and I do interview well-I know I can be a bit of an over achiever) but it just sort of came easy to me, "fell into my lap" if you will. Then I found an internship that I knew no one else wanted and figured I'd stay for that year. How ironic is it that I met H here and we got married after I graduated. He couldn't leave because of the military so we stayed. I was hired where I had my internship. I work hard and sometimes long hours and have to travel sometimes, but, ultimately, I like what I do. I'm good at it. I get a reasonable amount of vacation and time off. I get sent on trips around the country for training. It's easy for me because of these things. My boss told me the other day that I'd never get a raise. Not because I don't deserve it, but because if she did, then I'd make more then her. I'm not at a standstill though because I work partially on commission, I work harder and I get paid more.

I got dealt a good hand in my life and I know it

I'm lucky and I know it

I'm blessed and I know it

Things are good, easy, and we are well off and I know it.

I try not to be a boastful, snotty, rub-it-in-your-face type of person. But sometimes I know it is obvious to others that my life affords me the ability to be a tree-loving, granola crunching, nice car driving, jewelry wearing, 5 dog loving...still coupon clipping, penny pinching, cook at home, money saving...person.

But I still wish I could just stay at home and raise kids. The kids I don't yet have.

Maybe infertility is some sort of karma, payback, or retribution for how good I've had it so far. I know infertiles hate to think of it that way, but I'm sure other people see it that way for me. Of course, I sometimes think maybe if I "just relax", this will come easy too. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing. On the other side of it, maybe everything has been so easy up to now so that we can afford to do these treatments and any future treatments we might require or adoption. I know infertility isn't meant to be a lesson, but it sure feels like it sometimes and I think of it that way sometimes.

...well this post has taken a turn away from what I originally meant to post, so I better wrap it up here.

Initially, I just wanted to show you guys the scarf I finished knitting and ugly pumpkin that I slaughtered.  That's where the title came from. So if you skipped the nonsense above and just looked at the pictures, I don't blame you.

Anthropologie inspired knitted scarflett (worn with pj's for the picture) pattern found online

Ugly pumpkin found at local farmer's market prior to slaughter

It had giant seeds!!!

Pumpkin mash, after being cooked

I made it into Pumpkin Cheesecake!!!!...it was good! e-mail me for the recipe

Side note: After another round of phone tag with the clinic, my next US and IUI are scheduled for 9/20 and 9/21.